God of War Diaries

New Dress Code Required At Dr. See You Suffer Clinic

Next week all medical personnel will be required to wear scrubs at Dr. See You Suffer Clinic. The dress code will take effect Monday February 1, 2010. I had to ask, why it took so long to mandate a dress code? It conveys a professional appearance, and in some cases is a necessity for health and safety reasons for ourselves and our patients.

And I am sure many of my co-workers will disagree with me on this new dress code policy. But they have to remember, we all should be glad we still have a job. And if we consider ourselves professionals, we have to at least look like one.

This Just In: due to the recent Haiti Puerto Rican’s doctor scandal, our employer, Dr. See You Suffer Clinic, reviewed our health center personnel policy manual. As an addendum it was added that:

• Employees would not hold military issued guns while on duty.

• Employees would not smile while hovering over a patient holding a hacksaw.

• Employees are not allowed to smile standing next to a coffin whole holding a gun in one hand and a glass of Presidente beer on the other.

• Employees are prohibited from flashing a box of condoms to the camera while patient is laying down naked in the hospital bed.

Please note, I will NOT be posting the compromising photos of the humanitarian mission to Haiti by Puerto Rican doctors. Enough con el bochinche!

Now, for those doctors involved in Haiti Facebook photo scandal, a lot of people are wishing that instead of scrubs they should be wearing prison uniforms. Personally, I don’t think this scandal is over, this is just the tip of the iceberg. I am sure plenty of heads will roll on this one. Que escandalo Dios mio!

En Vivo y Via Satelite desde Las Cuevas de Camuy - 2010 State of the Union Address

My fellow Boricuas, I am sorry to inform you that tonight’s 2010 State of the Union Address has been postponed. As we speak I am on my way to el terminal de lanchas nuevo en Cataño. My dearest friend and Puertorrican dictator, el Gobernador Fortuño, is going to pick me up in Cataño. From there, he’ll drive me and mi chilla Jennifer Lopez to my secluded parador in las Tetas de Cayey. I need to prepare myself for my upcoming trip to las Cuevas de Camuy en Afghanistan to try find Osama Bin Laden.

Osama Bin Laden latest audio tape threatening America has shifted our attention, and we are going to try finish the job George W. Bush (Dubya) started. As Commander in Chief of the Republic of Puerto Rico, it is my duty to protect the lives of all Boricuas first. And by accomplishing that goal, the lives of all Americans living in the mainland will be saved.

Who cares about jobs, health care reform and any more stimulus packages? My administration new focus is trying to create more Boricua rap artists, baseball stars and NBA professional players. Nosotros los Boricuas need more Tego Calderon’s, Daddy Yankee’s, Tito Trinidad’s and Miguel Cotto’s en los caserios. Wepa!!!

I will be rehearsing my 2010 State of the Union Address vivo y en via satelite from the mountains of El Yunque. As God is my witness, I promise you, my fellow Jibaritos del Batey, that if we were able to find Toño Bicicleta en el barrio Rabo del Buey en Lares, we can also find Osama Bin Laden in las Cuevas de Camuy.

Stay tuned for my 2010 State of the Union Address Speech directly from la Taberna India. Thanks in part y Super Xclusivo from La Comai! Que Bochinche!!!

Bienvenidos a Puerto Rico dice el Papa Benedicto XVI

Bueno, ya no tienes mas excusa. El sabado pasado el Papa Benedicto XVI le pidio a los sacerdotes que utilizen la technologia moderna y escriban blogs para difundir el mensage. Leelo aqui,  Por Amor de Dios Escriban en un Blog. Ya era hora que se pusieran en la onda. Hoy en dia, quien no tiene una computadora o tiene acceso al internet?

En su mensaje, el Papa menciono, “Sacerdotes hoy en dia estan siendo confrontados a propagar el Evangelio utilizando lo ultimo en la technologia, imagenes, videos, blogs, websites. Los cuales en conjunto con la maneras comunes de divulgar el mensaje, puede abrir nuevos rutas de dialogo, evangelizacion y la catequesis. Sacerdotes tienen que responder al reto cultural de hoy en dia si ellos quieren alcanzar la juventud.” Le vieron la cara al sacerdote a mano derecha en la foto? No se ve muy contento con la idea de los blogs, jaja

Encontre interesante que el papa este promoviendo escribir en blogs, y todavia esta en contra de el uso de condones. Bueno, pero los condones es tema para otro dia.

Y volviendo a el tema de escribir en blogs, hoy navegando por el internet encontre un website exclusivo de bloggeros en Puerto Rico. Este es el enlace, Blogueros de Puerto Rico . Finalmente encuentro un site de la isla donde las personas pueden escribir blogs en los dos idiomas.

Una cosa interesante que note, es que tambien se reunen en Puerto Rico para ofrecer talleres y conferencias exclusivamente para bloggeros. El 6 de mayo del 2009 se celebro el 1er Encuentro Nacional de Blogueros en Caguas, Puerto Rico.

Ahore dime, porque rayos tu no tienes un blog? En mi opinion personal, escribir en mi blog es bien chevere, y la terapia de salud mental mas barata (GRATIS) que yo he encontrado. Que rayos estas esperando para empezar a escribir tu blog?

The Bourne Identity - Political Amnesia

This week at the clinic where I work, a person walked in and claimed not knowing who he is. He stated to have lost his memory.

It is a coincidence that the day before this person claimed to be suffering from amnesia I had purchased the “Bourne Identity Trilogy” starring Matt Damon. The trilogy includes (The Bourne Identity / The Bourne Supremacy / The Bourne Ultimatum). Some people claim is the best American film trilogy ever made.

Damon plays “Jason Bourne”, a black-ops government sanctioned assassin who showed mercy to an exiled political leader he was sent to assassinate. “Jason Bourne” is then shot, left for dead, and when he awakes had lost his memory.

With the economy in the mess that it is, maybe is best to lose our memories, don’t you think?

Arf! Arf! Meet My Dog Named Adobe!

In the late 70's, I worked in a Honda motorcycle dealership in my hometown Mayaguez, Puerto Rico. A friend, an amateur photographer, used to follow us at the motorcycle races. He did it only so he could take race pictures and resell them for profit. He also used to process the pictures at home to save some cash. Most of the riders would buy the images, especially if they won the races. Who would refuse a picture of themselves standing in the podium holding a winners trophy? I don’t remember him taking pictures of us, the grease monkeys, but I digress.

After my divorce in 1988, I decided to own my first real camera. I had relocated to New York and was looking for a camera to take with me to the motorcycle races. At that time cameras were insanely expensive.

My friend, the same guy I mentioned earlier, was then also working in Manhattan as a camera sales rep.  He unsuccessfully tried to get into the competitive photography field in NYC, had no choice but to settle as a salesperson at a photography store in 7^th Avenue and Broadway in NYC.

Getting a Canon or Nikon system was out of the question for me, camera body pricing was kind of pricey, but getting additional lenses for them was prohibitively expensive.

My friend suggested I purchase a SLR Yashica FX-3 Super 2000, a 35-75mm Tamrom zoom with a 2X- teleconverter and a portable flash. I remember spending over $400 dollars for the whole thing. On my birthday my friend gifted me a Slik tripod which I still have to this day. Is a lot heavier than the new models, but after all these years, it has done a great job for me. I should mention that a few months later I added a 400 mm telephoto and also a 28mm wide angle. It’s been more than 20 years, I still own the system I bought from my friend. I guess if you take good care of a SLR fully manual camera, they last forever. The camera included on this picture is my Yashica FX-3 Super 2000 with a 400mm telephoto lens.

Fast forward to 2004, bought my first Sony CyberShot DSC-P52 3.2 megapixels. A few months later purchased Adobe Photoshop Elements, and the rest is history. This is the basic system I use still today in all my photo editing. And with so many free online tutorials available, no need to spend an arm and a leg in photo equipment to make it worth the investment.

I would have to say, if a dog is man’s best friend, then Adobe Photoshop Element is man’s best photographic editing software. I love this program so much that if I ever own a dog, I will seriously customize and add the name Adobe in his name tags. Arf! Arf! Meet my dog named Adobe!

Keeping Up With The Kardashians

Good day to you all, and welcome to another glorious episode of "Keeping Up with the Kardashians". Yeah, I feel great today. I am so looking forward to Sunday’s game against the Minnesota Vikings.

And to clarify some of the rumors coming out from the New Orleans Saints camp, yes, it is true, I am breaking up with “Kimmy”. Wait a minute, did I just said I was breaking up with her? No, I meant I am marrying her after the Super Bowl. First I dump her, then I take her back so we can continue to entertain you, our loyal fans. We know how much you guys love drama, Kimmy Kardashian style.

Btw, we were offered to take over Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt on the refugee aid mission as part of their role as Goodwill Ambassadors for UNICEF. “Kimmie” is still undecided, who wants to spend their hair salon and pedicure time traveling to third world countries and dealing with refugees?

After Sunday’s game against the Minnesota Vikings, I’ll officially make an announcement. If the Saints win the Super Bowl, I’ll propose. I’ll get my Bowl ring and she’ll get her Kobe Special. Stay tuned.

What Will Happen To Haiti After The Cameras Leave?

As I was summoned this past weekend to an emergency meeting with our former presidents at the White House, I could not help but think that it had to do with Haiti. Unfortunately, I was right. They want me to play ball, I refused.

Do they expect me to agree to show off for the cameras after we had subjugated for centuries the poor island? Is anyone foolish enough to claim that Haiti's poverty and terrible living conditions are NOT the result of U.S. domination? 

Nowadays is impossible to read the news without someone reporting Haiti’s tragedy. If you have been watching Haiti’s earthquake reports this week, every single media network keeps reminding us, Haiti is the poorest country in the entire Western hemisphere. To me, the upsetting part is that no one asks why Haiti is poor.

Here are a few facts I found on the net:

• In 1804, what had begun as a slave uprising more than a decade earlier culminated in freedom from the grips of French colonialism, making Haiti the first Latin American colony to win its independence and the world’s first Black republic. 

• Prior to the victory of the Haitian people, George Washington and then-Secretary of State Thomas Jefferson had supported France out of fear that Haiti would inspire uprisings among the U.S. slave population. The U.S. slave-owning aristocracy was horrified at Haiti’s newly earned freedom.

• A succession of coups followed into the 19th century. In 1888,US Marines supported a revolt against the government. The Germans did the same in 1892 and, in 1915, the US invaded and occupied the island until 1934

• The instigation for this occupation arose from a consortium of American investors, assembled by the National City Bank of New York, taking control of Banque Nationale d’Haiti, the country’s only commercial bank.

• U.S. interference became an integral part of Haitian history, culminating in a direct military occupation from 1915 to 1934. Through economic and military intervention, Haiti was subjugated as U.S. capital developed a railroad and acquired plantations. In a gesture of colonial arrogance, Franklin D. Roosevelt, who was the assistant secretary of the Navy at the time, drafted a constitution for Haiti which, among other things, allowed foreigners to own land.
  

• U.S. officials would later find an accommodation with the dictator François “Papa Doc” Duvalier, and then his son Jean-Claude “Baby Doc” Duvalier, as Haiti suffered under their brutal repressive policies.

• In the 1980s and 1990s, U.S. policy toward Haiti sought the reorganization of the Haitian economy to better serve the interests of foreign capital. The U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) was instrumental in shifting Haitian agriculture away from grain production, paving the way for dependence on food imports. Ruined Haitian farmers flocked to the cities in search of a livelihood, resulting in the swelling of the precarious shantytowns found in Port-au-Prince and other urban centers.

• Who has benefited from these policies? U.S. food producers profited from increased exports to Haitian markets. Foreign corporations that had set up shop in Haitian cities benefitted from the super-exploitation of cheap labor flowing from the countryside. But for the people of Haiti, there was only greater misery and destitution.

• In December 1990, JeanBertrand Aristide was elected president with 67 per cent of the vote. The Americans covertly supported a coup against him in 1991. In 1994,US President Bill Clinton engineered the return of Aristide on terms that forced him to adopt the neoliberal programme promulgated by the candidate he defeated in 1990, and which the country had rejected.

• Washington orchestrated the overthrow of the democratically elected Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide—not once, but twice, in 1991 and 2004. Haiti has been under a U.S.-backed U.N. occupation for nearly six years. Aristide did not earn the animosity of U.S. leaders for his moderate reforms; he earned it when he garnered support among Haiti’s poor, which crystallized into a mass popular movement. Two hundred years on, U.S. officials are still horrified by the prospect of a truly independent Haiti.

• The unstable, makeshift dwellings imposed upon Haitians by Washington’s policies have now, for many, been turned into graves. Those same policies are to blame for the lack of hospitals, ambulances, fire trucks, rescue equipment, food and medicine. The blow dealt by such a natural disaster to an economy made so fragile from decades of plundering will greatly magnify the suffering of the Haitian people.

• In a televised speech earlier yesterday, President Obama has announced that USAID and the Departments of State and Defense will be working to support the rescue and relief efforts in Haiti in the coming days. Ironically, these are the same government entities responsible for the implementation of the economic and military policies that reduced Haiti to ruins even before the earthquake hit.

As history has shown us, too often, good intentions last only as long as the TV cameras are on. What will happen to Haiti after the cameras leave?

Screaming Like An Eagle Inside An Oil Barrel

Since I wrote my last post yesterday, Cycle World International Motorcycle Show, I’ve been thinking about my days as a grease monkey. Please note, no offense to the real monkeys, but grease monkey is slang for mechanic.

This past summer at the local supermarket I was browsing the magazine section and noticed the August 2009 edition of American Iron Magazine. I’ve always been what Harley fans not in very nice term call a “rice burner or rice rocket” rider. Since I got involved in motorcycles in 1974, I’ve been an adrenaline junkie, so I’ve preferred fastest bikes, thus my choice, Japanese Kawasaki motorcycles.

American Iron Magazine targets people who love Harley Davidson bikes. What caught my attention was a cover picture of an old supercharged Harley Davidson flathead bike with a sidecar installed. Not just a regular sidecar, this guy made a sidecar out of a 200 liter oil barrel. The funny thing is he did it so he could take his little child with him on his rides. Kind of weird choice for a sidecar if you asked me, but its original, the picture is priceless.

Even though under any circumstance I would never pay attention to this magazine, in a way I am glad I did. Because inside the magazine they are featuring a motorcycle shop from Puerto Rico, Caribbean Custom Cycle Shop . American Iron magazine staff went to Puerto Rico to cover a new bike they were building to be featured on the TV show American Thunder.

The picture of the sidecar made out of the 200 litter oil barrel reminded me of the first sidecar I installed on a motorcycle back in 1989. If you look at the picture included, you would be able to see me wearing a red shirt along with some of my coworkers next to a brand new 1989 Honda Goldwing 1500 featuring the sidecar I mentioned. At the time the picture was taken, I had just returned from road testing and fine tuning the installation. It was an exhilarating experience.

When Honda introduced the GL 1500, the bike became an instant sensation. Especially since it was the first production bike featuring a “reverse gear”. Back then, I was assistant manager at Carl’s Honda in Canarsie, Brooklyn, and I was fortunate to be chosen to do the sidecar installation.

Riding a bike with a sidecar is a whole different experience. Just to make sure the installation was safe I was allowed to take the bike home for a day, for “road testing” purposes. People’s reaction to the bike was priceless. At the stoplights some people would just stare at the bike driving down the road. My apartment in Brooklyn had a big garage, so I was able to store the bike for the night.

That night I took a friend for a ride, rode along the Brooklyn Belt Parway to Sheepshead Bay and then we hang out in Coney Island. My friend refused to sit inside the sidecar, I don’t blame her.  I wouldn’t sit inside either. The bike became an instant sensation everywhere we went. Like I said, just showing off the “reverse gear” was a huge thing, imagine the looks on people’s faces when you add a sidecar to it. Those were great times.

On a side note; how times have changed. On this same American Iron magazine,  they announced the NHRA Pro Stock Motorcycle Drag Racing 2008 champion, Eddie Krawiec, riding a V-Rod Harley Davidson. This is a first for Harley Davidson since Motorcycle Pro Stock Drag Racing has always been dominated by “rice rockets” Japanese motorcycles. Maybe I need to start reading more Harley Davidson magazines.

International Motorcycle Show In New York City

Boys and girls, it’s that time again. Time when all motorcycle manufacturers, local dealers and aftermarket companies display their new models and products. Plenty of shows and seminars for every motorcycle enthusiast.

It’s been so long I’ve attended one of these events. And it’s been probably longer I worked on a drag racing motorcycle, or any bike for that matter. And to think that I invested more than half of my life in the motorcycle repair/racing business. I really miss those race weekends in Englishtown New Jersey Raceway Park and Poconos Raceway. Those were great times!

If my memory serves me well, last time I worked the Motorcycle Show at the Jacob Javits Center was in 1990 representing the New York Honda dealer I used to work for. There was a famous song sang by Carlos Gardel, the most prominent figure in the history of Tango, that said “Veinte años no es nada,” It translates that “twenty years is nothing”. I disagree, a lot has happened in my life in the last twenty years, but I digress.

I think that instead of attending the motorcycle show in Washington DC tomorrow, I am going to wait one more week and visit the motorcycle exhibit in New York, January 22-24. Here is a link for the show schedule, Cycle World International Motorcycle Show I hope to see some familiar faces and maybe reminisce about the good old times! The picture shown was taken in 1987. The bike is a 1987 motocross Kawasaki KX-125.

Leno, O'Brien, Letterman, "Tonight: America After Dark"

I was invited as a guest last night to the Late Night Show with Dave Letterman to talk about my Allentown Pennsylvania weekend trip to meet the village idiot. How do I look on this picture sitting next to Dave?

Dave also wanted to personally thank me for promoting his show when I performed at the Crocodile Rock Café. He says that every time he visits Bethlehem Sands Casino to gamble, he gets teary eyed knowing that I visited the village idiot at the Allentown Rescue Mission. He received the biggest applause and the audience roared with laughter when he said that.

I was sitting in the green room watching his monologue before going on the air when Dave dropped the bomb and revealed that he is quitting his show. Dave said “hell-no” to CBS, he is not moving to 12:05 am.

I had to run onstage and remind Dave that he is not moving anywhere, Conan is currently the NBC Tonight Show host, and Leno is the one coming back at 11:35pm.

It seems Dave forgot he is working for CBS, not NBC, his former employer. I guess the critics were right, all those years of having sex with your employees does affect your brain cells.

Maybe to fix this mess I can host all three late shows simultaneously, and call them “Tonight: America After Dark!”. The networks can offer me half the salary Conan, Leno and Letterman make and everybody will be happy.