En Vivo y Via Satelite desde Las Cuevas de Camuy - 2010 State of the Union Address

My fellow Boricuas, I am sorry to inform you that tonight’s 2010 State of the Union Address has been postponed. As we speak I am on my way to el terminal de lanchas nuevo en Cataño. My dearest friend and Puertorrican dictator, el Gobernador Fortuño, is going to pick me up in Cataño. From there, he’ll drive me and mi chilla Jennifer Lopez to my secluded parador in las Tetas de Cayey. I need to prepare myself for my upcoming trip to las Cuevas de Camuy en Afghanistan to try find Osama Bin Laden.

Osama Bin Laden latest audio tape threatening America has shifted our attention, and we are going to try finish the job George W. Bush (Dubya) started. As Commander in Chief of the Republic of Puerto Rico, it is my duty to protect the lives of all Boricuas first. And by accomplishing that goal, the lives of all Americans living in the mainland will be saved.

Who cares about jobs, health care reform and any more stimulus packages? My administration new focus is trying to create more Boricua rap artists, baseball stars and NBA professional players. Nosotros los Boricuas need more Tego Calderon’s, Daddy Yankee’s, Tito Trinidad’s and Miguel Cotto’s en los caserios. Wepa!!!

I will be rehearsing my 2010 State of the Union Address vivo y en via satelite from the mountains of El Yunque. As God is my witness, I promise you, my fellow Jibaritos del Batey, that if we were able to find Toño Bicicleta en el barrio Rabo del Buey en Lares, we can also find Osama Bin Laden in las Cuevas de Camuy.

Stay tuned for my 2010 State of the Union Address Speech directly from la Taberna India. Thanks in part y Super Xclusivo from La Comai! Que Bochinche!!!